looking back,
years and years ago,
there
are still a lot of things left unspoken.
its not that i intended to hurt you or anything...
its just that i've always been unsure.
you were the first one to love me. but i was too childish (heck, i was just a child!) to realize that the feeling is mutual. i was scared to face you, so instead i pushed you away.
i can still remember the tears that you desperately fought back while you were calling my name... but instead, i turned my back at you..
alas! i met someone. and my childish heart was confused.
i was afraid to be with you so i went to him instead.
for here was someone who made me feel secured.
somehow, i've managed to forget what we had.. but then again, have i? for you remained special.. someone who "could've been"... "should've been"...
in between him and his sudden disappearance, there was you again. i saw your soul when you looked into my eyes, but i was surprised to see how reluctant you were when you asked me to dance. i secretly hoped that we could pick up the shattered pieces of our friendship, and maybe... finally admit to each other that yes, it was love...
but then you remained silent...
they were right. we should've given it a chance. but i understand... we haven't spoken for a couple of years... because he was around. maybe you tried to forget... tried to assess ... tried to think... tried to decide...
and then out of the blue, you appeared. i looked into your eyes, and your eyes betrayed you... i saw...felt the warmth and it almost consumed me, that i had to hide, to run...away.
and now, after all those years...
we may both belong to someone else...
but the "could've been" and "what if" part of my life still haunts me up to this day.
i tried to reach out...
for you.
but you were nowhere to be found.
i know, life is unfair... and it will always be.
you said you do not want to hurt... again.
but i am still waiting...
from a raincloud, you watched over me...
from the puddle of mud that you formed, I'm still waiting...
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